Half of my panamian family

The mother and daughter from my Panamian family are moving to Sweden! :)
I am so happy that I am going to see them again, I just hope that I will be able to help them get their life started here in Sweden...it is not easy finding a apartment, neither a job here in Stockholm.... :S

Midsummer

Rolemodel

I have been on course this week that has been about human skills in project management.
It has been a really interesting week, and I got a lot to think about from it. The feedback that I got from one of the leaders, has changed my perception of myself quite a bit. She said that as soon as I get control of my inner emotional chaos, I will be a very strong person for women to model themselves on....
I have NEVER thought that I would be a rolemodel for anyone, and I was amazed aout the fact that she said this. But then again, I can also see, how I am moving towards becoming this whole person and how I actually want to help people by being a strong person. I guess I feel like I am on my way to fulfilling my destiny.... just to be a little spiritual here :)

Åland

I have spent this weekend at Åland, with one of my choldhood friends and her two small kids. I LOVE Åland, it is one of the best summerplaces in the world, and when going to certain places it really feels like going 50 years back in time. Ending the weekend with sitting on the roof of my house, and feeling the wind blowing in my hair and the sun warming my face was perfect.

Boxing

I went boxing today after work, GREAT exercise! But now my hands are shaking and I realized definetly need some more arm muscles :)

Distant Dreamer

What a great weekend it has been again. The sun has been out, the weather has been warm, there was a free stand up festival, we barbacued and I took my first dip in the ocean this year.

Today I sat up on my roof after coming home from work and listened to this song.

I'm thinking about,
all the things,
I'd like to do in my life...

Sometimes

Sometimes something might be lost,
without you ever having it.
Sometimes you loose your heart,
without giving it away.
Sometimes you say goodbye,
without saying hello.
Sometimes everything is nothing,
and nothing is everything...

Its my life!

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

A silent prayer for the faith-departed

I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice

When I shout it out loud

This is for the ones who stood their ground

For Tommy and Gina who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake

Luck ain't even lucky

Got to make your own breaks

Better stand tall when they're calling you out

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

Time flies

Dragons that I used to chase
Tease me from inside
The future's uncertain
Just like yesterday....

"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you."
Kezia

Time, Memory and Love

"Memory: a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what a small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things"
Pierce Harris

What a beautiful weekend it has been. The weather has been perfect and it amazing how much lighter you feel just because you can get some sun on your body.
But this weekend has been about more, it has been about the past, the present and the future. Some things feel like they just happend yesterday, although it might have been many months ago or many years ago. Some things become forgotten and lost, and will only exsist in other peoples memories.
But people that you have loved will always be a part of your memories, no matter what happens. The treasue bank with the memories from the people you have loved are usually filled with good and bad memories, but most of the time it is only the good memories that get lifted up to touch your soul and make it feel safe. Sometimes it might be the memories with the people you have loved, that brings you comfort when you feel lonely or makes you laugh when you feel bored. The memories of them is the treasure bank that can give you energy when it cannot be found in the future or the present. The people you have loved in the past might be people you need to learn to live without in your present and future, but you would still mourn them terribly if they would die because the meaning of them in your life has not become any less.
Love lasts....it just takes different shapes.

~ Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
Washington Irving

edith backlund

I was on a concert on friday, with this (in my opinion) rising star! So I want to share her music with you. Take a moment and listen to her, and let me know what you think! :)

http://www.myspace.com/edithmusic

Change

I read my whole blog yesterday, all the way from the first post about a need to write and not sure about fitting in.
The intention with my blog has changed quite a lot during time. First it was just a fun thing to do, then it became a tool to feel heard and now it is just a friend that I write to about the things happening in my life. I have become a bit more restrictive about what I write though, as my need to be heard has been fulfilled. I have been able to tell about my childhood, and I have been heard by people who has been in similar siuations. I did the griefrecovery workshoop where I felt I was allowed to let go of my mother, and since then I am not bitter any longer, instead I am able to remember the good things about my her, and the memories are no longer a stone in my shoe. I have moved the most "infected" posts to another place as I don´t feel comfortable about having them here.
There are still things I need to work on, and there always will be, and I guess that is the same for all humans, we keep growing all the time. But this blog will not be the forum for those thoughts. Nothing lasts forever, and they say that it is not the most intelligent ones or the thoughest ones that survives the evolution, it is the ones who are most adaptable to change, and I find that quite interesting. I have not yet found the new intention with this blog, if there even is one, but time will tell :)

Spring is coming to town

What a beautiful day it has been today...for the first time it really feels like spring is here and the sun has been shining during the whole day. I have spent most of the day at Kungsträdgården with some friends and I have also met one of my blogfriends for the first time. Maria, thanks for a couple of really nice hours in the sun with some icecream :)
Hope you all had a really good day!

Lollipops

One of my friends since high school came and visited me for the weekend a couple of weeks ago. She is nowadays a mum to two small children, and enjoyed just getting time for herself. I mentioned that I really like chupachups lollypops and I miss them, as they are not that easy to find here in Sweden.
Yesterday I got mail! :) She sent me lollypops and a letter. It made me really happy :)

Fear

The things we fear the most, has already happend to us.

Boredom

Life is never boring but some people choose to be bored. The concept of boredom entails an inability to use up present moments in a personally fulfilling way. Boredom is a choice; something you visit upon yourself, and it is another of those self-defeating items that you can eliminate from your life
WAYNE W. DYER, Your Erroneous Zones

I am bored right now. At my work we are still in the reorganization period and I have not been given an interesting assignment yet. I have some small things that I am working on, but not too much. Being bored at work and being single is not the best situation for me, I feel like I don´t get enough stimulation and I start thinking too much.
I guess there can´t always be something happening, but that is still kind of what I am used to and what I want. But I am going to try to see this as a challenge, as a opportunity to start learning to just be in the everyday life and with myself. I went to the libray yesterday just to read, and it was nice, because I am reading a very good book, but I realized a café is better :) And when it comes to work, I have a great opportunity to read more about strategy thinking.

Cafées

A good friend of mine says that the best way of meeting people is going alone to cafes and sit and read or do something else. I decided that I am going to try it and see what happens. I have to admit that it is way more pleasent to go to a cafe´, order a green tea, sit down and read a book and watch people instead of sitting home alone on your couch and read the book. To sum it up, I have come to the conclusion that this is a great way of spending time with yourself.
Anyway, I did this today for the first time, first I went to one café and sat there and read for a while. Then I went for a walk and ended up in another place and I had only sat there for just a few minutes, when an eldery man came up to me and asked me to help him with some swedish words, he told me he had moved here from Iraq in october 2007. We eneded up talking for two hours and I told him about the swedish society, and a lot of things were very strange for him. When I told him about people living together without being married, about gay marriges and so on, he was just stunned. But he took it very well, and he seemed like a very smart man.
So, this is something that usually only happens when I travel... or that is probably because I have never got into the routine to go alone to cafés when being home. :) I think today was a proof that this should be a new hobby of mine, just to go to cafés to read a book, and see if something else happens or not :)

Life and Malta

The roofterrace with a pool and some really nice sunshine :)

I have always had quite heavy thoughts when I wake up in the morning. Theese last few weeks my first question has been: "what is the meaning of life?" I have not come to a satisfactory answer and this morning I realized that I am asking the wrong question, beacuse there is no answer to that question, so I changed my question to: "how do I want to live my life?" Now, this is a question that I can answer and have control over....so now I just need to figure out what the answer is.

Interesting decoration

Anyway, Malta was a great weekend trip, and it felt like starting the summer a bit earlier, even the flowers smelled the same as they do here in the summertime, and it was great to feel that smell again. :)

Here are some more pics from Malta:Typical view in Malta

The city of Valetta

Malta!

Going on a last minute weekend trip to Malta!
See ya! :)

6 words

Today I read an article in the Metro about there being a new hype in the US where you are supposed to describe yourself with 6 words. Apperantly it is "amazing" how much you can get to know about a person in just six words. So here are my six words:

adventerous
thinker
honest
kind
supportive
rootless

Anybody else up for 6 words?

honest communication

My manager came to me an apologized and said she feels like she has let me down, and she wanted me to know that she does support me in my career and daily work. It felt good, because she was right, I have felt like she has not been the manager I thought or hoped she would be (she is quite new in her position) but now it is ok, as she apologized.
I also had a dinner with a friend on Monday, or she was an acquaintance, but now I consider her a friend. We talked very honestly about values and the world and how our values sometimes do not fit into the world. Just sharing the same opinions and some honest feelings made the whole evening so special. A sense o lightness, safety and happiness came over me after that evening.

How easy it sometimes is to make things better. Just some honest communication and things are a lot easier than they seemed.

Never dull your shine for somebody else.

What a great saying to remember.

connection

My friend was here and we had a great time...I really enjoyed her company and she reminded me of how much I miss having somebody to love...somebody to just enjoy the simple things in life with, like watching an ant carry some food, watching the sunset, sitting on the couch and drinking some tea and watching the ocean, or just sitting and talking with another human being and feeling that connection, feeling that you are on the same level and you understand eachother in a special way. A way that creates this little bubble where only you and the person you love are in.
I also miss the attraction to another person. Watching a man and just being proud of him being yours, or just being able to look at him after months of being together and still think that he is the most gorgeous looking man you have ever seen.
There are a lot of things I miss from having a relationship, but love is not something you can hunt down, you just have to wait for it to suddenly appear....Love is a suprise that you are lucky to get, maybe one day again...

Can´t wait!

Tomorrow one of my best friends is going to come here to Stockholm to see me! :) She is now living in Paris and I met her when I lived in the US. We traveled together in Africa for six weeks and now it is 1,5 years since I saw her last. Can´t wait to see her! :)

If I just lay here....

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I am beat....

Today my whole body is aching and I feel like I am getting sick....I think it is because of the very intense last week.
Not only did I once again have to make a new decision to say no to the manager position (although I am flattered that they called and asked me to reconsider) but 90% of our unit was sold to another company, and people were very upset with that. I belong to the remaining 10% who is staying on the original company, but for quite a while we did not know where we belong to. Then the week continued with the three day long grief recovery workshop, and I continued using the tools I have learned to grief some other people during the weekend, and now I am just beat.....I guess it is my body saying that I need to stop for a while, and that is what I am going to do. I am not going to train as I planned to, instead I am going to go home and take a long warm bath.

Third day of grief recovery

Yesterday it was the third day of the grief recovery workshop. It was the roughest day for my part as this day consisted of making a relationship chart over mine and my mother relationship, and also writing a fullfilment letter, that you can also partly call a goodbye letter. Reading the relationship chart was really hard, but reading the fullfilment letter actually made me feel like something was flying away from me. After I had read the letter I remember watching up to the roof and thinking she is free and so am I....I am not going to publish the whole letter as it was quite long, but I will publish the end of it here, the part of letting go:

I want you to know, that despite everything I really miss you in my life and I wish that things could have been different. I want you to know that you were my security and the best person in the world when I was a little kid, I was just so mad at you for choosing alcohol instead of me, and that is something I am still sad about, but I forgive you for that. I would have loved to keep my mother with me for a longer time. I want you to know that I have blackpainted you for a long time, just to be able to handle the rejection I felt from you, but I dont want to do it anymore, I want to say goodbye to you and live my life. You need to know that me letting go does not mean that I will forget you or that I don´t love you, it only means that I dont want to feel tha pain anymore and I don´t want to let it affect my life in the same way anymore.
Thank you mother for loving me so much as you did and I want you to know that I am so very sad for the fact that life was such a big darkness for you, and so many times I wished I would have had magic powers that would have helped you. Despite everything, I will cherish my positive memories of you in my heart.
I know that you are afraid of letting go, and so am I, but maybe it is time for us to do it? Maybe we can do it together? Both be free from the prison of the past.

I miss you a lot mum, more than I have wanted to admit, and I love you.

I forgive you for all the bad memories, and I know you always tried your best, but now it is time to say goodbye.


Goodbye mother

Second day of Grief recovery

Today we presented our loss charts. A loss chart is a chart that shows the losses in your life. It was hard to tell about it to the other people in the goup and some losses definetly still hurts...
Our second task was to imagine that you would die in an hour and you needed to write our last toughts before you would die. You also needed to write a letter to the ones left behind and here is my letter:

Since I moved away from home, my life has become better and better. With theese words I dont want to make anybody feel guilty or punish anybody, it was nobodys fault how things were. We were all unhappy in my family home and it is is better for all of us, as things are now. The meaning of life is to be happy, and that is why everything happend just the way it was supposed to happen. With this I want to say that don´t lock yourselves into a selfmade prison to which only you have the key to. If you feel that you have to punish yourself for something you have done, then look at yourselves, learn from the experience and dont do it again. That way you will be able to open the lock to your prison.
The meaning of life is to live in freedom with yourself, not to lock yourself in, in accordance to what other people think or what society thinks, the only one who can keep yourself free is you. Dont make my mistake and spend half of your life punishing youself for things that were not your fault, but learn to let go of what hurts and allow yourself to enjoy life to 110%!

First day of Grief Recovery

Today was the first day of the grief recovery workshop (www.sorg.se) I am attending.
This day was not that hard as it consisted mostly of lectures, but there were som tragic lifestorys that were shared with the group.
Tomorrow and on Friday we are going to work more on our own grief and we are also going to choose a person that we are going to mourn. I am guessing mine will be my mother although there are two more candidates that needs closure, but I will probably take them at a later point.
Right now I am just feeling sad, but that is part of the process.....

Winter beauty

I was home in Finland during this weekend to attend a wedding. Once again I was feeling reliefed once I was on my way back home to Stockholm. But I was struck by the beauty of my hometown. When living there as a kid I never realized what a oasis I was living in, I did not see the beauty of the sea and the archipelago and I did not feel the peacefulness in the town.
There is a major difference from the buzzling Stockholm and this sleeping summertown, which is taking its beautysleep during the wintertime to be at its best during the summertime. Still....for me there is more under the surface than what is showing, the icecold sleep is hiding old memories from the past, memories that cannot be erased....

List

I got a challenge from Maria, and it is a long time since I did one the last time, so here we go:

What did you do ten years ago?
I lived in a small town in south of Finland, studied and lived a decadent life. Those days are now gone (lucklily!)

What did you do a year ago?
I celebrated that it was a year since I moved to Stockholm and felt happy that I had finally made the decision to move here. It really feels like my home :)

Three kind of candy you like?
Sura remmar, turkish pepper and chupachops lollipops

Three songs that you know all the words to?
Hmm....Enternal flame with Bangles, Chiquitita with Abba and....Touch me with Samantha Fox. All those old goodies ;)

What would you do if you were a millionare?
I would spend my time working with trying to give away money to places needed, or have different projects to build schools etc. Then I would also have a home in the Fiji Islands, Sydney and somewhere in the Caribbean....and some other stuff here and there :)

Three bad habits?
I like eating chocolate to breakfast in the weekends, I like having cake at least once a week, I like watching reality (crap) TV.

Three things you like to do?
Dancing, sunbathing, travelling

Three things you would never wear or buy?
Neon coloured t-shirts, goth clothes, ??

Three favourite things?
A picture of my grandmother, a seal toy that I have had since I was 8 years old, a painting I bought from Benin in Africa

Saying No.

I did the whole day management assesment today and I decided that I am not going to take the position as a manager.
I feel like I am not ready for it yet, and I would probably be able to do it, but I feel the chances for a burn out would be very big.
Saying no is also a strength ;)

3:rd step in jobinterview

OMG! The next step is to have a whole day management assesment with interviews, IQ test, perosnality test, motivation test and role playing. I don´t feel like I am ready to become a manager and I guess that will show up in the test, but it is definetly going to be an interesting experience with some good feedback....wish me luck...or something :)

2:nd interview

Tomorrow I have the second interview for the manager position that I dont even know if I want....the funny/weird thing is, that he is coming over to my workplace to meet me, instead of me going there....I guess it is a good sign ;)

Fine wine

"I am like a fine wine, the older I get, the better I get!"

"You Learn", Alanis Morissette

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone

I recommend walking around naked in your living room

Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)

It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)

Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyoneI certainly do

I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any timeFeel free

Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)

Hold it up (to the rays)

You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)

Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)

The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

Love, The Greatest Gift

I am just human, I am not God, I can´t save anybody else, I can´t change anybody else, I can´t carry anybody else, but still, I am not useless, I have the greatest gift of all to give: Love.

Love, The Greatest Gift
Kathy Gandy
Though I may speak in other tongues
and the future I may see.
If the gift of LOVE I do not have,
what good would all this be?

If I had the gift of faith
and every mountain I could move;
But never had LOVE for my fellowman
then what would this faith prove?

If I gave everything I have away
to the poor who do without,
But I never showed LOVE for anyone
what would I have to boast about?

The gift of LOVE is patient
The gift of LOVE is kind
The gift of LOVE is never proud
and this gift I seek to find!

The gift of LOVE holds no grudge
and it keeps no record of wrong.
The gift of LOVE never loses faith
and it's sure to make us strong.

The gift of LOVE will last forever
and like the others it won't disappear.
The gift of LOVE will never cease
it's a gift that's always here!

So desire the gift of LOVE
and let it be your highest goal.
For LOVE ~ is the greatest gift,
and it endures like faith and hope!

Happiness?

I have been thinking a lot about happiness lately. Mostly I think about it in the mornings when I wake up, because for some reason, the bad things always comes first into my mind when I wake up. I don´t want to have that kind of a start of the day. I would rather have happy thoughts when I wake up, or maybe not even happy, but at least just neutral and peaceful thoughts.
I definetly belive that happiness and satisfaction comes from the inside, of course outside factors affects you, but that is still not what rules you and your happiness, or it should´nt.
It is a lot easier to look outside yourself for what can bring you happiness, because then you can remove the responsibility from yourself and you can blame other things for not being happy. But when I for example wake up, and the first thoughts I get into my head is the bad things, how can that be anybody elses responsibility but mine?
I am going to work more on living in the moment, and worrying less about the future or the past. Another thing I want to work on is knowing what I can control and what is out of my control, that is a hard one....Relaxing a bit more in the everyday routine life and being able to feel peaceful about "the boring life" is another thing. Realizing that the real life is not on adventures around the world but the everyday life you live most of the time.
The Buddhists are right in many things.

A better day

I am a lot less swollen today, I can bite in soft things, I can open my mouth more, I had a good nights sleep and the sun is shining.
I feel a lot better today,after two terrible days... :)

Toothache

The surgery went quite well, it is now that it is starting to hurt...my whole lower jaw on the left side feels numb and is thumbing. I cant open my mouth, bacuase if I do, some heavy bleading starts. It is starting to looking like I have a tennisball in my cheek and I have troubles swallowing. If move to fast I start feeling like puking. The worst thing is that they say that the second day is the worst..... :/
This is one of those days when it really sucks to be single and not have a caring family.

Tooth

Tomorrow it is time for the surgery to remove my tooth....aiks! :/

Angel Dust

Just a story that I wrote because I wanted to be creative. No morals in the story, and no hidden meaning , and not even a good story either :)

Once upon a time, there was an angel hovering around in the dark space bumping into stars, laughing with the meteors and playing with the stardust floating peacefully around in the silent space.

She was happy with her life, or she did not even realize that she had a life or was a living creature. The question is, if she even existed? One day she bumped into another angel, and she did not quite know what “it” was at first. “It” was a strange thing, shining like a star, looking translucent, having this aura around “it” that made “it” glow and had you drawn to “it”. She did not know what to do when she bumped into the angel and for the first time she realized she was something. She could not hover around by herself anymore because she had become a definition, in the connection with this other angel.

The angels started floating around in space together and the more time they spent together, the less translucent they became. They also realized that it became harder for them to float and they started feeling heavier. One day they floated by the brightest star of them all, it was shining with different colors, and the colors made sounds that sounded like dolphins whispering love chants to each other. They decided to do something neither of them had done before; they decided to settle down on the star. The star became their home, although it was more like a living place as home was not a familiar word. On the star they were able to become more translucent again and started floating around on the star, exploring the new world they were in. Sometimes they did the discoveries on their own and sometimes with each other. They learned new truths about reality and started seeing that they were everything, that things change, but things are still the same.

The love they had for each other created cosmical explosions, that where phenomenon’s that had never been seen before. These cosmical explosions created energy that moved around them in different colors and they felt like light breezes around their feet. The light breeze followed them everywhere and grew stronger by every day, soon the breezes were not light breezes anymore, but strong hurricanes with their own will. The hurricanes were ready to leave the star, and so they did. The angels felt empty and alone when no breeze was around their feet anymore, but at the same time they were feeling sleepier than ever…

Soon the angels had fallen to sleep forever, on the light bed of the star. The star was increasingly glowing brighter and with the angles sleeping on it, it had become the leading star for many in distress….

Interview

I had an interview for a manager position in my company today. I am not sure I even want to change job as I love the one that I have as a project manager, but we´ll see.
Me and the interviewer got along very well, and the situation actually turned kind of weird when we started talking about that we both have alcoholic mothers and how it has affected us. The even funnier thing is that she was also the one that interviewed me when I first started working in the company where I work now. Anyway, when I left, she hugged me so I guess I made a good impression. :) She is however not going to be the one that is deciding about this position, so we´ll see....

Lion dream

I had a restless night last night...one of my dreams was that Stockholm had been invided with lions that had escaped from the zoo. I watched from my window in my home how several people were bitten to death by the lions, and the blood was just flowing on the streets. The lions stared at me with hostility and roared. I live on the first floor in a house and I knew I wasnt safe. I felt a lot of fear, because I felt the lions were so unpredictable, I felt like if they wanted, they could just jump trough my window and eat me if they wished to. The dream was filled with fear and helplessness.
I also had another dream, a dream about trying and failing again, but I am not going to go into that dream right now...

Baby Deer

I saw two baby deers cross the street on my way to work today. I live in the middle of Stockholm and seeing theese two babies looking all confused with their big brown eyes was a strange sensation. They were all peaceful and in no hurry. They were walking into the park just next to me and they made me smile. Can I see two baby deers on my way to work, then anything can happen :)

NOTE: There is a forrest quite nearby, and I am sure they will be fine and find their way back there, at least that is what I tell myself :/

Pressure

Found out today, that if my project does not deliver on time, all of the employees in my company (about 1000 people) will be without a bonus....talk about pressure!! :/

People in white jackets...

I went to the doctors today where I had a VERY unpleasent examination, but I saw myself from the inside which was kind of cool....but I am happy that theese kind of examinations are the ones you make maybe once in a lifetime.
Tomorrow it is time for the dentist again, not yet to have surgery on the tooth but still...my life seems to be dominated by people in white jackets nowadays... :/

The dentist

back to reality with a crash....or actually with the dentist.
I guess I do have a real phobia when it comes to dentists....when I was a kid (around 8 years old), I hade 6 holes in my teeth, and 4 of them needed rootfilling, and the dentist did it without ANY anestisia!! It hurt so baad, and all she did was tell me to open my mouth some more and lie still.....
My phobia seems to be getting worse day by day also, the tears were just falling down my cheeks and I could hardly breath today at the dentists, but I got trough it! The thing is....in a couple of weeks I need to go there again and have a surgery to remove one of my teeth (don´t know what it is called in english....wisdomtooth? the ones that does not start growing until you are older?)
Aiks! Anybody willing to come and hold my hand....? :/

sun is setting

The sun is setting and my trip is coming to an end....Time has gone by so fast that I dont think that I have even realized that I have actually been in Panama....maybe a couple of more hours in the sun tomorrow, and then off I go, Back home....

Isla Taboga

yep, I ended up leaving the beach I spent New Years at. I got some undercooked fish at the hotel for dinner, which I ended up throwing up the rest of the night, the food wad NOT good there (and yes, I know this might be too much information to some of you, but I still thought you needed to know ;))
Iwanted to come to Tagora Island already yesterday, but the plane was delayed so I did not have a chance to catch the ferry. Luckily my Panamian family called me earlier during the day and wanted to see me beofre I went back home, so I spent the night at their house. They are a great family, and I got a Panamian flag from the dad when we said goodbye and he told me it was for me to remember my Panamian family, they are so sweet!
Taboga island was the perfect second to last day stop. This is actually the first time during my trip that I feel like I even have had time to think and reflect. The day after tomorrow I will be on my way home (NOT looking forward to the 25 hour trip!) and I have had some intense past weeks. There are three women, 10-20 years older than me that I have met during my trip and I think two of them were supposed to meet me and one of them I was supposed to meet (with supposed to meet I mean I have had knowledge or experiences that they could take use of, or the opposite) We have had some really serious and deep discussions that I think we all in different ways have gained from, or will gain from. This was one thing that I did not expect from my trip.
Tomorrow I will head back to Panama City and that will be my last whole day in Panama. Right now I am pretty beat, there has been so much happening all the time and I am actually looking forward to having some routines in my life (at least for a week or so ;)) I miss all of you back home, and I am looking forward to seeing you again :)

The view from my current hotelroom, perfect or not?? ;)