monekys in the trees

aaah....what a weekend. I have spent the weekend with the nudists and his brother and girlfriend out on an island. Yesterday we took a boat out to one of the unhabited islands and yesterday we have spent the day on the island we lived on. Sharon and I took a walk to the beach trough the jungle and suddenly we see some monkeys in the trees, and they were so cute, there was one baby with them and one of them had a even smaller baby on her stomach. We just watched them as they wer peacefully moving ahead in the trees. Last came the dad, and he had a different attitude, naive as we were, we continued watching him. he watched us....for a while, and then he starts making all theese noices and suddenly he is about to attack us! We freak out and dont know what to do, but start walking away from there and he stops. I have heard that monkeys can be really aggressive and I have even been bit by one in Thailand (and gotten 5 rabies shots) so I have respect for them. Anyway, we walk to our beach and discover that the monkeys have followed us! The male keeps making theese gorilla noices and it seems like he is calling more males there, because soon we hear quite a few gorillas screaming in the trees, we stand in the water and are afraid of getting our stuff on the beach, it was actually kind of funny... :) Anyway, soon the monkeys realize that we are not going to hurt them and they fall asleep in the trees...we sneak away from the beach while they are sleeping :)
Tomorrow I will go to the town of David and that is where I will most likely spend my new year....we'll see :)

Boquette

Well, I ended up to take the bus to David already yesterday. The nudist couple came and pick me up and I am now at the husbands brothers house in Boquette. It is a VERY nice place and it feels like a luxury hotel (might try to publish some pictures later)Today they are taking me to an island and we are staying there overnight, I am really looking forward to that. After theese couple of days, I think I will take a few days just for myself, I feel I need that before I go home, have'nt been suffering too much of loneliness while being here, but it has been great, and I can't belive I have met so many nice people who are just taking me everywhere :)See you in a couple of days!

Horrible night

Yesterday I went to a beach to meet a couple of people I met in Contadora. We had a nice evening with some chatting and then it was time to go to bed. Everything was fine until I started hearing some strange noices, I wonder what it is, but don't think anything more about it. Then it continues and I turn on the lights and I see a mouse or a rat, I am not sure which it was as it was so big. I kind of freak about it, but think that it will go away. I leave the porch light on to have some light in the room and to be able to see what is going on. Maybe that was a mistake? I soon realize that I have at least three giant mice in my room, and maybe more. I turn on the lights and leave the lights on...I can tell you, that I did not get anymore sleep that night (and I paid 45 dollars for that room!!).Now I am back in the city again and I am struggling to find a place to live in during new year, I would not like to be in the city, but EVERYTHING else is fully booked, belive it or not. It is kind of a disappointment as I would have liked to stay on some of the islands or on some of the beaches, but there are no rooms free... :/ It is kind of annoying and frustrating, but it will solve itself out somehow....We'll see...ps. (this day has been filled with bad luck, hope tomorrow is better)

My christmas

I had a wonderful christmas. The family that I am staying with are so nice and they have so much love for eachother that some of it even gets to me :)We had this amazing christmas dinner yesterday with good meat, coconut rise with raisins, sweet plantana and an amazing cake. Of course we drank homemade sangria to the dinner. After dinner we waited for the fieworks to start and then it was time to walk around to all he neighbours and wish merry christmas. Before twelve o clock it is apperantly family time and after that it is party time. One of the neighbours had his big sound systme on his yard and he played very loud christmas music before twelve o clock and then it was time for samba and salsa music all night long :)

Helping to cook dinner :)

The wonderful christmas dinner

My panamian family :)

Merry Christmas!

So this is christmas....the christmas eve is already over in Scandinavia and I am feeling a bit nostalgic....Anyway, right now I am in a Panamaian home as they have invited me to spend christmas with them, without even knowing me. Apperantly christmas is not that big of a thing here in Panama and they all wait for the clock to be twelve o clock as they then can welcome christmas. Apperantly they also have fireworks on christmas night so they wait for that.
The whole family is out buying food for dinner right now and I am here bymyself, having the first calm moment since I came here. A bit of sadness comes over me when thinking of past christmas eve, love, and past and future....Christmas has always been hard for me, but I have a few good memories from christmas also, and somehow those seem to be hurting the worst right now...Life is so strange sometimes and I guess this is just one of those days when you are extra sensitive to a lot of things.
Anyway, hope you all had a good christmas and we will see what this chirstmas brings to me :)

Rain and rain

Today it has been raining cats and dogs from heaven, so not too much beachlife today....I have spent most of my time with the two nudists, who has adopted me as their daugther by the way ;), even though the husband keeps hitting on me all the time which is kind of annoying.Tomorrow I am heading up to Panama City again. I have met so many nice people during my few days here and I am going to stay the womans (who I met on my way to Panama) friends house and spend christmas with them. Then the two nudists are heading the same way as I am on the 26th and they have offered me a ride and also a bed to sleep for a couple of nights in at the husbands brothers house. Might take up on that offer.It is going to be interesting to see what christmas brings this year. The woman from the plane told me that they eat ham also here in Panama, but instead of covering it with mustard they cover it with brown sugar and pineapples.....interesting :)

Contadora

Today I have gotten a bit sunburnt. I have spent the whole day on a nudist beach (called the sweedes beach) with a nudist couple from Texas, who are around 50 years old (yes I know, most of the people I have met are around that age) I was not brave enough to get naked but they were and we had some nice talks on the beach. :)
Contadora is a beautiful island, but not very developed.When I landeed on the island in the small propellerplane we came in, I felt like I was getting into the TV show Lost, I seriously suspect is has been filmed womewhere around here because is look so similar. There are no cars on the island, so you move around in a golfcart, or walking. Today it has been probably around 35 degrees warm so I can tell you it was VERY hot to walk to and from the beach.

Cloudy Panama City

The weather has not been that great today, but I still did get to make a nice walk to causeaway. It was nice to get out of the city and just be more in the nature and closer to the ocean. I chatted for a short while with a finnish woman who was 65-70 years old and she was going to travel around in central and south america for half a year on her own! I did not have time to talk with her enough to hear her story and where she had found the courage to that at her age, but I have to say I do admire her.
Today I am going to Contadora, and at least I will have a place to sleep in tonight. Hopefully also a couple of more nights, but that is a bit uncertain as everything seems to be very full now before christmas, but it will work itself out....hopefully ;)

Almost on my way...

Can´t belive it....I am actually set to go...or almost, have some small things still to pack, and need to do the dishes and so on, but I am on my way!
I discovered that there was no need for a transit visa, so I did not need to worry, I could probably even stay at a hotel over night near the airport, but I am not sure if I find it worth it to pay 1000 kr just for sleeping a few hours....but we´ll see.
I don´t think that I have quite understood yet that I am actually going to Panama, but maybe I´ll understand it once I am there when it is so hot that I can´t wear jeans ;)
Anyway, one season of Heroes can be found on my IPOD, I have snacks, books and a pillow with me, so I will be fine :)

Hard to understand...

Nothing said, so that nothing that can be held against me, but....sometimes people make it really hard to even like them.....

sweet dreams...

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

No transit visa

F*?CK!! I am panicking again. One of my colleeges told me that he had a transfer flight in the US and his wife had an old passport, and they had problems getting trough.I don´t have a transit visa, and I would not need to have one if I would have one of those new passports, but I have an old one, and I am not sure what the policy is with an old passport. I have been calling around all day and looking up info on the net, and I am getting mixed messages. The american embassy has not been open today, and they are the only ones who can give a definite answer.A transit visa should apperantly be issued immediately, so if I need one, I can hopefully get one on monday.Damn it! I am nervous about not being able to travel to Panama at all..... :/

today....1,5 years since we met...but no anniversary.
I have not stopped caring, I have not stopped thinking,
but I can´t change life.
Letting go of someone you love is one of
the hardest things a person has to do.

Living

The sun has fallen and I’ve become
The lonely one

The moon is dancing among the clouds
And my knees are shaking,
And my dreams are breaking
But I know I live
But I know I live, today

Trip Planning

I booked my trip to Panama about a month ago. It was´nt until a few days ago that I really took a good look at my booking. I have been so disconnected to the world that I have´nt really been aware of anything....anyway, I got a small unpleasent suprise when looking at my flights, I have to wait at JFK (New York) for 12 HOURS!!! and as if that would not be bad enough, I will be there in the middle of the night!! Sigh....I booked a hotel near the airport, but then realized that because I dont have a transit visa to US or anything I probably wont be able to leave the airport during theese 12 hours....oh well, I need to call the american embassy tomorrow and see what the conditions are, but most likely I will be stuck in the airport for 12 hours and having to sleep on the floor in some corner. But this will be ok, it is not like it would be the first time I am doing it.
Then my colleeges also gave me a big scare about my passport. The passport has to be valid for six months after travelling, and I was not sure about the exact rules on where you start counting the six months. My passport expires in July, but I called the finnish embassy and found out that the passport has to be valid 6 months from the day you arrive home, so I am safe, my passport is valid 6 months and 10 days after I arrive home, but yes, I am cutting it very close.... :/
Anyway, I just need to figure out the 12 hours in JFK and then I hopefully have everything set....keep your fingers crossed, and yes, I am going to start focusing more on my trip.

pain and pain and pain...

I have not written here so much lately, it is beacuse I have been feeling so sad for loosing the person who has been so close to me for such a long time, and it is the only thing I can think about. It is a very painful loss, and it is very hard to accept.
There has been so much sadness in my life theese last few months and it has been hard to handle, it has been all about keeping my head above the surface to avoid drowning. I really miss him...but nothing can change the situation as it is.

Dispair

I hate the fact that I am alone again and that I don´t belong anywhere.
I hate that I can´t hug him and cuddle him whenever I want.
I hate that I can´t talk with him every day.
I hate that I lost my closest friend.
I hate that life has to be so unfair.
I hate that all our common memories are just painful at the moment.
I hate that everything is painful at the moment.
I hate that I think about him all the time.
I hate that love has to hurt so much.

Sometimes people come into your life..

Sometimes people come into your life and you know
right away that they were meant to be there, to serve
some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help
you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a
neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a
complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them,
you know at that very moment they will affect your
life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible,
painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you
find that without overcoming those obstacles you would
have never realized your potential, strength,
willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness,
and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of
your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they
may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight
flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and
comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the
success and downfalls you experience, help to create
who you are and who you become. Even the bad
experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are
sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in
whatever way you can, not only because they love you,
but because in a way, they are teaching you to love
and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your
heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn
about trust and the importance of being cautious to
whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take
from those moments everything that you possibly can
for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk
to people that you have never talked to before, and
listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your
sights high. Hold your head up because you have every
right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and
believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in
yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in
you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create
your own life and then go out and live it with
absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them, for you never know
what tomorrow may have in store.

Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today
is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was
it worth it?

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