Lion dream

I had a restless night last night...one of my dreams was that Stockholm had been invided with lions that had escaped from the zoo. I watched from my window in my home how several people were bitten to death by the lions, and the blood was just flowing on the streets. The lions stared at me with hostility and roared. I live on the first floor in a house and I knew I wasnt safe. I felt a lot of fear, because I felt the lions were so unpredictable, I felt like if they wanted, they could just jump trough my window and eat me if they wished to. The dream was filled with fear and helplessness.
I also had another dream, a dream about trying and failing again, but I am not going to go into that dream right now...

Jaada, jaada

Well, the interview went very well yesterday. He was mainly looking for a person who is "driven, smart and has charm" Apperantly he thought that is what I am (for some strange reason). Yesterday I wanted to change job, today I don´t.
I feel like I don´t want to change jobs unless it is clearly better than the one I have now, and I am not sure this one is.
Anyway, I don´t think I am going to change jobs. I enjoy my workmates that I have right now and it would be good for me to just calm down a bit and try to stay in one place for a bit longer. :)
Had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was shopping stuff for my birthday and I got caught by the police and thrown into jail. I knew my BF was waiting for me and the guests were also arriving. I was feeling so stressed because I could not tell them were I was, I could not shop the things I wanted, I was´nt able to get to my party in time and I was uncertain when I was going to get out of jail. Hmmm...I guess I am feeling a bit unsettled.....but the weather is good and sun is shining :)

Nightmare 2

I had a nightmare last night. I was dreaming that I was in my childhood town and I was hanging out with my family. The feeling in the dream was horrible. First I am let down by my dad in the same way as I was in reality, I feel the same feelings of confusion, sadness and unisgnificanse, but then the dream continues. In my dream my mum is alive, although she is way more beautiful and younger, she does not even look like herself. My BF is also around and we have an argument and I start thinking about his ex, Bianca. My mum apperantly reminds him of his ex and he says that she behaves exactly like her and he asks why I can´t behave in the same way? I feel that something is wrong but I cannot put my finger on it. I go back to visit with my friends and dont think about it. Then I give him a call, and while I am talking to him I am walking into his bedroom, and while I am walking I see him and my mum on his bed, snuggled up together, and I ask him if he is choosing my mum and he says yes.
I run out of the room, I am crying my eyes out, I am feeling desperate, confused, lost and betrayed. I sit down and talk with a friend of mine who tells me to cheer up, I can´t belive she is telling me that. I run away to buy some sushi while I am still crying and feeling really bad. My realtives are suddenly around me and my dad is there. I feel no compassion from my dad, I feel some compassion from my relatives, but there is nothing they can do. I make one of my cousines call my BF and ask if he is sure about his choice and he just says I don´t know and refuses to talk to me. I feel so let down and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. Then I wake up.
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mardröm

Nightmare

I had a dream, or a nightmare last night. I was somewhere at some friends place and there was this creepy guy around his forties that had yellow fingernails with dirtlines underneath them. He had dirty yellow teeth and he had a big grin on his face all the time. He kept wanting to touch me and I kept pushing him away, and I was able to do that because he was smaller than me.
When I was on my way home I had to walk over a big courtyard and I hesitated if I should do that or if I should try to walk some other way because I knew he would be watching me. I decided to walk another way and when I saw my apartment, I saw that the lighs were on (the apartment was on the first floor) and he was in it, naked. He saw me and I tried to hide at the corner of the house, but then I knew I had to run and I called the police. I was running and I knew he was after me and I kept talking to the police and he kept asking questions until I asked him to come and help me....then I got complete silence, and I kept asking over and over again for him to come and help me, but all I got was silence.
Then I woke up.
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mardröm

Insomnia 3, Vacation, Travelling

First of all, there is a difference between travelling and vacation. What we did in Italy was definetly travelling and not having a vacation. The difference is, in my opinion, that when you have a vacation you relax, you do as little as possible and just gather some energy.
Travelling on the other hand is not as relaxing, when travelling you want to see as much as possible, you walk a lot (we walked about 20 km per day) and you don´t do a lot of relaxing just doing nothing. I can´t say that I feel very relaxed after our travels, this not neccessarily being a bad thing, as we have seen so much beautiful places and really taken advantage of our time.
The downside is that I have had trouble sleeping as I have been so hyped during the whole week. Last night I probably fell asleep around 4 in the morning. I wasn´t able to relax and just take it cool even if I was already at home. This is a problem I have, whenever there are a lot of things going on I can´t relax and fall asleep. I am actually afraid that this will be an obstacle for me in my career, I am afraid my stresslevel is not high enough? The paradox is that I get so stressed from not being able to relax, and that makes me afraid I can´t handle things. Maybe that is the thing? The fear of not being able to be good enough?
When I was on my way home from Italy and finally just sat down and did´nt walk around all the time I started to shiver, my whole body ached and I felt like throwing up (which I actually did on the transfer bus to my connection flight, thank good for the airplane puking bags! :/, and two more times at other places) I should not have pushed myself this much, but I felt like I would have been weak if I would´nt had, I would have felt like a strengthless and useless person. It is when I push myself too much that I get trouble sleeping, and that is not a good thing. My BF still suffers from his burnout he had quite a few years ago. He did not listen to his body and that caused the body to strike. He thinks that I am not in the riskzone because I am better at setting my own limits...but when feeling like I do now, not being able to sleep, I get a bit nervous. But I am sure I will be able to sleep tonight....
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Backpacking, semester, insomnia, utbränd

Insomnia

Why does things become a lot worse in the night when you are lying there in the dark trying to sleep? I had a couple of frogs jumping out of mouth the other day to a person at work and she did not appreciate it too much. I always get insecure when I realize I have offended somebody and I also know it is not very wise to make enemies at work especielly as I am trying to do improvement work and need to have everybody with me.
But anyway, last night I was laying awake not being able to sleep. I listened to the birds chirping outside but it did´nt make me feel better. I just felt this awful "night anxiety", this awful feeling that makes you think everything is ten time worse than it really is. And it gets even worse if you slumber and are half a sleep and half awake. You then start dreaming about the thing you are thinking about ,and the feeling grows even stronger and makes the thing you are thinking about REALLY terrible.
Luckily the morning always comes and after being awake for maybe an hour you realize that none of your fears in the night is actually valid or true....
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insomnia, sömnlös, känslor