New Boss

As you spend so many hours of your life at work, it obviously also becomes a big part of your life.
We are going trough a lot of organizational changes at work, not negative ones but positive ones where we are growing and the organization is changing. I also learned today that my boss is quitting and we are getting a new boss.
I don´t like the idea of getting a new boss as the person who is my boss today is the person who hired me, and I know she belives in me. What if the personal chemistry with the new person does not work at all? What if the new person is extremly controlling and has a very different idea of what I should be doing compared to what I am doing now? I have never really realized how much the boss affects the work enviroment, but he or she does.
I like changes as long as they are not for the worse. With changes you grow and get to know yourself and a lot of the times you suddenly manage to do things that you never thought you would be capable of. But pretty much everybody are scared of changes, scared of the unknown and uncertain, myself included. This is when you need courage. Courage to go trough the changes despite your fear. You need to learn to face that fear and realize that you are bigger than the fear.

............Ok, anyway, I starts sounding like I am preaching here, need to stop now :)

..................
Arbete, omorganisering, karriär, rädsla, mod, förändring

I WANT TO GO BACK!!

Back to reality.....and feeling really, really crappy. I feel sad, unsettled, unhappy and uncomfortable. I just want to go back to the peace, safety and silence.
I guess this tells you I had an awesome time. Our midsummer was perfect and just as I wanted it to be. We made a "midsommar krans", I cooked a three course meal to my BF´s parents and us, as I wanted my BF´s mum just to be able to enjoy a good dinner without lifting a finger, as she is always the one behind the stove. They were all extremly greatful which made me feel good, I had succeeded in what I wanted to achive.
The weather actually turned out to be warmer and sunnier than in Stockholm, which proves I did not make that bad of a choice after all :)
I am just having the holiday blues, wanting to be somewhere else than where I am. Longing for the beauty of the nature and the peace that it gives me......I really need to move out of city, into the suburb closer to nature....
PS. I got confirmed that I will get a 3300 kr (360€) salary raise. :) That should cheer me up.....but it doesn´t....I just want to go back.... :( I am gonna cry.....
..........................
midsommar, semester, avslappning, mat

Holiday Blues

I have had an awesome midsummer, the weather actually turned out to be sunnier and warmer than in Stockholm! :) But more about that later.
Now I am having the holiday blues, I am mentally preparing myself to go back to work. Luckily it is just for three weeks and then I have three more weeks of vacation. But it is interesting, I love my job, but still, ones I have had the freedom to do what I want for a while, I feel like having to go back to prison when the vacation ends. I dread the routines, the everydady stuff that needs to be done, being back home, sitting in the office the whole day and everything else that is part of your everyday life. I don´t know if everybody feels like this? From what I hear, I think a lot people have the same problem.
Maybe we need to change our lives completly? Or change the whole socitey to avoid routines and boring stuff? Create a society where you are on a constant adventure, experiencing new things, challenging yourself, daring yourself, travelling around and.........................................Ok, I am not God, get real, and get back to your life woman!!!
.........................
semester, rutin

Midsummer in Norrland

"I think it is too cold to spend the midsummer here in Stockholm, so I will go up to northern Sweden, almost up to the pole circle to see if it is warmer there" Does that sound like a smart comment? That is exactly what I am going to do, but I can´t claim that it is very smart as I am looking for warm weather. Made the decision to go today, booked my ticket, and flying tomorrow :)
But when you see the picture belove, you might understand why I want to go up there anyway. It is my BF parents summerplace on the pic, and it sure is a wonderful and beautiful place to be in. I need some peace right now, and I love being up there, watching my BF´s always happy dog running around in the yard and eating sticks until she pukes. :) I am going to take some books with me and I am also going to paint my nude selfportait up there (If you are nice, you might see it here on the blog when it is done ;)
I haven´t been much at work lately, but somehow I have still managed to be effective and get quite a lot of things done, I am impressed by myself! ;)

.........................
midsommar, Norrland

Alcohol

Theese last nine months, I have been drinking a lot less than I have before (a lot because my BF does not drink at all, and I am thankful to him for that) and it makes me upset how this fact is treated in the group of friends I used to hang around in. The last two times when I have been there with them on a saturday night I have gotten the questions: "Why don´t you drink more?" "You used to drink a lot more?" and I have almost been forced to drink, by getting a glass of alcohol in my hand and constantly beeing watched with statements like: "alcohol is not that dangerous, drink it up!" "why is your drink not disappearing?" "there is a lot of alcohol, don´t let it go to waste!" All of theese accusations and questions has the understatement of: " "you are a partykiller, you should not even be here if you are not going to drink".
I have been there myself, thinking that you are a nerd if you are not drinking, and thinking that this person must have a stick up his/her ass because of not drinking alcohol. The first time when I remember thinking this was when I was maybe 9 years old and we were on a vacation with my parents. They met this single woman who was travelling with her kid, and they invited her over for a chat, which was nice of course. But my parents always drank a lot of drinks in the evenings, usually until my mum was talking with a drunken slur. This woman told them that she did not like to drink a lot, and when she started feeling just a bit tipsy, she said she did not want anymore. My parents kept forcing her to drink more, and I was there with them. I was a 9 year old kid thinking: "is she a nerd or something, why does she not drink more?" And I thought it was a good thing my parents forced her to drink more, they were cool, as they could drink so much alcohol. When I was a teenager I was like my parents, I was the worst on forcing other people to drink, and now I can understand better how uncomfortable I must have made theese people.
When we were travelling in Italy and we were walking around the city on a saturday night, we saw a lot of people sitting in the ice cream bars late at night just socializing. Why does that never happen here in the nordic countries? Why does alcohol always have to be the thing that makes us social in the weekends up here?
It is not long ago when I was still thinking that it was odd that some people don´t drink a lot of alcohol. They go trough their weekends and holidays without drinking a lot, without getting drunk and without even reflecting on the fact that they are not drinking alcohol. I have started to understand them a lot more, and I am becoming them, and it feels good. It feels like a relief, like I don´t HAVE to drink a lot of alcohol to be normal. But I also need to point out, that I do enjoy a glass or two of wine every now and then, and I do get tipsy. I am still drinking alcohol, maybe just not the same amount and as often as before.
.....................
alkohol, fylla, grogg, Norden

Two weeks in Italy

Oh man....we saw so much during theese weeks, that is why our feet hurt so much afterwards also... :/
We started our trip in Genova, where I had to work for two days before we could start our travels. But then I had about half a day to walk around in the city, get lost inte old town, and really feel that I am in Italy.






Our trip continued to Pisa, to see the famous leaning tower. The tower was a lot smaller than I had imagined it, and I was a bit suprised. But the courtyard with the dome and the leaning tower was still a beautiful place all together.







Our trip then continued to the beautiful island Elba. I really wish the weather would have been better so that we could have spent some more time there, swimming, riding a scooter around the island and eating icecream. But we had really bad luck with the weather and without the sun in Elba, there is not much to do. I still want to say that it was a beautiful, beautiful island and I felt at home immediatly. I was so happy to be near the ocean, and to be in a smaller town....maybe next time it will be sunny...

We then continued to beautiful Florence, and I have to admit that I understand why it has become so popular. The whole city had a special feeling about it, and in a weird way, it wasn´t until we left the city that you realized that Florence was like from another time. BUT, I do not like places with a lot of tourists, and Florence is one of them. Places off the beaten track are more suitable for me.








Luckily, I say, we had problems finding a place to stay in Venice, and that is why we found beautiful Padua. This beautiful city, off the beaten track, made us both immedialty felt comfortable. This was a city that we just loved to walk around in and just really relax. That is why we ended up staying three nights here.





Montselice, the small village we took a daytrip to from Padua. We had hoped to be able to visit a castle there, as my BF would really have liked to see one....but the rain started pooring down on us as soon as we got to Montselice and the castle did not open until many hours later. We still had quite a good time there and once again, I just enjoyed being off the beaten track and in a small village.






Legendary Venice...I have to say it was a bit of a disappointment...Maybe it was because I had already fallen in love with Padua, or maybe it was because we had too high expectations. Once again, WAY too many tourist and WAY too commercial for me. But Venice still has its charm and it is not all bad, it was worth a daytrip, but I don´t think I would go there again.



I am not a big shopper, but for some reason, whenever I am travelling, there is a shopaholic born in me. I think it is because I see different things, not just things that everybody wears. And come on, this was Milan, the shopper paradise, and yes I shopped a lot! My BF did not find that very amusing, and in the end I had to promise him not to shop anymore, and that was a good thing :)






Our trip was getting closer to its end and during our last days we stayed in Bergamo, a lovely small city just outside Milan. I would have liked to see more of Bergamo, but once again, we ran out of time.
Anyway, I am happy about our trip, it was intense but good! I can definetly recommed travelling in Italy :)
................
semester, resa, backpacking

One year since we met

To my love.

Today it is one year since we met for the first time. I still remember the first time I saw you and I remember how I loved your big and beautiful smile and your soft and warm dark brown eyes.
A lot has happend during the year we have been together, and it would be a lie to say it has always been easy, we have been trough some rough periods together. But we have both grown during this year, in ourselves and in our relationship. It is not easy to have a relationship while you have a demon from the past within you, a demon that affects your present and your future.
When you, my love,have your fights with life and the meaning of it, I am suffering with you. I wish I could take all the pain away from you , and I wish you would be able to win over your demons. Like I have told you so many times, I wish you could see the beauty in yourself that I see within you. You are on of the most beautiful souls I have met, but you are blind to yourself, and that hurts me.
The time we have had together so far is invaluable and precious. Our memories of laughter, love, easiness, beauty, passion, life and drama will be with us forever, no one can take them away from us. I hope that we will have a lot more good memories ahead of us, I hope you will start seeing the beauty in yourself that I see within you, I hope you will find your reason for living, and I hope we will continue to grow together and make our lives even more valuable and happy.

Jag älskar dig!

The ring

Sometimes you buy things that you immeditatly get really attatched to. This is my wonderful ring from Italy. I think I like it so much because of the curls in it, the beauty of the unexpected with a red ball in the end and because it looks beautiful on my long fingers.
Fashion is not really my thing, but sometimes you find things that you know are just you. It might be the latest fashion, or it might not. Anyway, I have always been a succer for the unusual, curvy and dramatic :)
.................
mode, ring, skönhet

List of questions

I am saying the same thing as the one who challenged me. I don´t really like theese kind of lists, but I´ll do it this time :)

What is complete happiness for you?
When I can feel peaceful, relaxed and just live in the moment

What suprised you most about your adult life?
That I have been as brave as I have, that I have done so many things, travelled so many places and that people see me as a strong person.

My life would be easier if?
I would not be so hard on myself.

A secret thing about you
Sometimes I think I see or feel ghosts

What in your apperance do you like the most?
My karisma

Unknown talent?
I can beat anyone in Tetris

The most important question in the world right now?
Why people don´t take responsibility of their lives and feelings. If they would, there would be less violence in the world.

When do you tell a white lie?
At the very rare times when it is needed.

Which was your first job?
In a icecream kiosk. I was 15 I think.

What is the best that can be bought with money?
Airplane tickets, hotelrooms and good food

Which part of your personality are you most proud of?
That I am honest, kind, caring and I have intergrity (ok, sorry, that was more than one :))

Your best buy?
At the moment the ring I bought in Florence, I´ll publish a picture of it in a later post.

What do you offer if you get an unexpected visitor?
Anything I have and the person might want.

What makes you want to get up in the morning?
My want to live

What are you most proud of in your life?
That I have not lost the battle against the unfairness in life.

Who do you want to answer theese questions?
Anyone who is reading my blog, I would love to know more about you :)

....................

frågelista

Insomnia 3, Vacation, Travelling

First of all, there is a difference between travelling and vacation. What we did in Italy was definetly travelling and not having a vacation. The difference is, in my opinion, that when you have a vacation you relax, you do as little as possible and just gather some energy.
Travelling on the other hand is not as relaxing, when travelling you want to see as much as possible, you walk a lot (we walked about 20 km per day) and you don´t do a lot of relaxing just doing nothing. I can´t say that I feel very relaxed after our travels, this not neccessarily being a bad thing, as we have seen so much beautiful places and really taken advantage of our time.
The downside is that I have had trouble sleeping as I have been so hyped during the whole week. Last night I probably fell asleep around 4 in the morning. I wasn´t able to relax and just take it cool even if I was already at home. This is a problem I have, whenever there are a lot of things going on I can´t relax and fall asleep. I am actually afraid that this will be an obstacle for me in my career, I am afraid my stresslevel is not high enough? The paradox is that I get so stressed from not being able to relax, and that makes me afraid I can´t handle things. Maybe that is the thing? The fear of not being able to be good enough?
When I was on my way home from Italy and finally just sat down and did´nt walk around all the time I started to shiver, my whole body ached and I felt like throwing up (which I actually did on the transfer bus to my connection flight, thank good for the airplane puking bags! :/, and two more times at other places) I should not have pushed myself this much, but I felt like I would have been weak if I would´nt had, I would have felt like a strengthless and useless person. It is when I push myself too much that I get trouble sleeping, and that is not a good thing. My BF still suffers from his burnout he had quite a few years ago. He did not listen to his body and that caused the body to strike. He thinks that I am not in the riskzone because I am better at setting my own limits...but when feeling like I do now, not being able to sleep, I get a bit nervous. But I am sure I will be able to sleep tonight....
..............
Backpacking, semester, insomnia, utbränd

Amazing landing x 2

I am back!
Landing in Italy and landing in Sweden were two of my most memorable and beautiful landings with an airplane ever, and that is a big deal, considering that I have landed with an airplane probably over a 100 times in my life.
Landing in Genova was really amazing, and this is the time when I hope I would be better at writing so that I could describe the beauty in words, but I can´t do more than give it a good try. Why it was so amazing to land in Genova was because the town is situated by the water and in green and lush hills. You could see the small villages scattered around with small little houses and red roofs. When the plane turned you saw the ocean crashing roughly into the high rocks that is protecting Genova. It was just so perfect, it looked like a miniature model from a fairytale, it looked so calm, so peaceful, so perfect....
Landing in Stcokholm was also amazing, but in a very different way. There was a heavy rainfall, but only over a small area, and trough that rainfall you saw the sun setting. The rainfall made it seem like we were landing in a fairytail land in the middle of the cloudes, as the rain connected the land with the clouds above us. The light was perfectly orange and soft. And while we are still quite far up in the air, and the sun is setting, this marvellous bright and clourful rainbow appears in the sky......my home....
I can´t find the words to describe the beauty of this, but I have it in my head, and I hope you can at least get a hint of how it looked like. More about my travels in Italy later on, and then I can add pictures so my crappy writing won´t matter ;)
................
landskap, semester