Just Me

Yesterday we visited with some friends. When we met up with them they told us they were very bored, and felt like they felt like they did not have any interests or anything interesting to talk about, except last weekends party. What is interesting? What is unique?
Everybody wants to feel special and everybody wants to be interesting. In todays society it becoming more and more important to stand out and not be like the rest of the population. Some people try to be different by dressing uniqly, others try being different by talking about subjects that nobody else knows about, or they have more information about a certain subject than others.
In a way it is becoming more and more important to shout out: "this is ME and NOBODY is like me!" But is that true, or is that just a way of deciving yourself by beliveing that your feathers are shining more than others?
All my life I have been hearing from time to time that there is no one like me. This is coming from other peoples mouths and not mine. Everytime I hear it, I wonder why they say it and why I would be any different from any other people? Maybe I am different, and maybe I am unique, but I don´t feel a need to scream it out and make sure everybody knows I am special (if I really am). I just don´t see the point of it.
Peoples lives are not interesting and exciting all the time. Nobody is special all the time. Nobody can be unique all the time. At times we are all boring. Life would be so much easier if we could just accept that life is what it is.
Like my boyfriends says, he would have liked to live in the 16:th century, life was more simple then, and uniqness, freedom of choice and complexity was not as evident in the society as it is today. If we would live in the 16:th century, I bet my friends would not have complained or felt like they are not interesting enough, as the boredom we feel today was probably not even known during that time.
............
unikhet

Cherry Coke

I have a thing that I really miss from the time when I lived in the US.
Cherry Coke.
You can´t get it here as it is not really sold anywhere. But my wonderful significant other knows how much I miss drinking them. So he found an american store that sells them and bought a few to me. He wanted to cheer me up as he knows I have not been feeling too good lately.
And yes...tasting the cherry coke and knowing it is a gift of love does make me feel better :)

Getting old??

Yesterday I went out dancing with my friends. It was very nice as it is such a long time since I have done it. Before we went out I was talking with one of the girls and we both felt we are in some kind of mid-state right now. On one hand we are both happy to just stay home in the weekends and just do random stuff. But on the other hand there is always this thought in the back of our heads, that maybe we should go out partying more...
So, it was nice going out dancing yesterday as it was such a long time since last time. But I dont know if a) I was not in a good enough mood b) the music was not good enough C) the music was to loud or d) I am getting too old :/ But the music hurt my ears and I kept hoping for earplugs and at times we held our fingers in our ears...
Anyway, why do I even feel a need to define if I am old or young, a party princess or choach potatoe? I can still party all night if I feel like it, and I can just stay home and watch a movie if that makes me happy. The purpose of life is to do what makes you happy so if I one night feel like I want to be a party princess and the next a couch potatoe, then I luckily have the freedom to chooce what I want! :)

World parent

A couple of days ago I finally signed up to become a world parent for UNICEF. It feels good to have done something, but it also makes me want to do more.

I was channel surfing a while ago and Oprah happend to be on at one of the channels. The show was about the greatest gift she had ever given. She gave 1000 dollars to everybody in the audience and they had to give that money to a stranger that needed the money. The stories about what people had done with the money where amazing. One story that really got caught in my memory, was about a 75 year old black man who had never learned how to read. He had a twin brother and his mother could only afford to let one of them go to school. So his twin borther went to school and he stayed at home with his mom and she kept on praying that he would get the opportunity to also learn how to read.
It was not until Oprahs "pay it back" program started that this man got the opportunity to learn how to read. One of the women gave a teacher the money to let him sit in class with her first graders and learn to read. And when he was standing in the audience at the Oprah show, he was holding both womens hand, the tears were flowing on his cheeks, he had a big smile on his face and he was thanking the lord for answering his mothers prayers....
Just helping the people around you can be extremely meaningful. Sometimes a meaningless thing for you, can mean the world to another person....
......
UNICEF, välgörenhet

Shower

How lovely it is to take a looong, hot shower. Few things get me to relax more.
I read somewhere that people who have grown up by the water are more addicted to taking long showers than others. Maybe it reminds us of home, or something, I don´t know, but it is definetly true for me :)

Flowers

My boyfriend doesnt like giving me flowers because he thinks they die too fast, and in a way he is right.
But a few weeks ago he gave me the most beautiful bouqet of flowers that I have seen in a very long time and every time I have looked at them, they have just made me feel good. Eventhough the flowers only lasted for a few weeks, I got so much good out of them. I looked at them and felt happy because of the fact that somebody had given me so beautiful flowers. The flowers were not only beautiful to watch but they were attached to the feeling of being loved.
Now the flowers are dying and in a way that is also part of why I enjoy them. You know you will never have time to get used to them so you just savour every moment while they are alive and blooming. And of course, you can always make them last for longer, by taking a picture and saving them in your blog :)
.........
blommor, kärlek

Two ways

There are two ways of looking at your life. The subjective one and the objective one. I feel I am hardly ever cabable of having a really objective look at my life, although I do try :)

The subjective way of seeing things is the way most people see their lives. And it is strange how you see yourself so differently depending on if you have a good or a bad day. Things might go as well or as bad as on any other day but your feelings about what is going on might be filled with self confidence or low selfesteem. Some days you are feeling like you are the queen of the world and you can do anything, other days you might do as well, but you feel like you are the smallest thing, lost in the world, not knowing where to go.

It would be so much easier to just be able to be objective all the time....but I guess that would be boooring ;)
...........
filosofi

Just a day

This has been one of those duracell rabbit days when I have just had to go on and on and the meetings never ended, neither the problems. The weather has gone cold again and I am not feeling too motivated at work. But still.....it has been a good day. I had a presentation for the management as I am trying to do some improvment work and it went well. My boss called me later on to tell me that she thought I had done a very good job and she liked my presentation. My love also called me and said he thinks I am the best in the world. Life is pretty good.

Bladder infection

I get bladder infections more often than not. I have had the infection so many times that it has almost become a part of me and I almost know when it is on its way before I even really feel it. I have been able to avoid this unpleasent thing for quite a while now by drinking at least 1,5 liters of water each day, preferably 2 liters. I have been cheating a bit on the drinking and guess who is visiting again?
There is always two sides on the coin and I am trying to see the positive in everything. Drinking so much helps my skin stay younger, and I will be healthier beacuse the fluid helps me flush bacteria away. It is better to have to drink a lot of water each day than to having to take some other kind of medication each day....................But it still sucks!! And I hate to have theese infections!!
........
infektion, hälsa

Big Mouth

Aiks...I said too much at work today....it wouldn´t matter too much if it wouldn´t have been about my boss, and she heard it. Nothing too bad and nothing too serious, but I think she got a bit offended.... :/

Amsterdam

Last night we came home from our trip to Amsterdam. Today I am feeling very tired and I should maybe not write this until tomorrow, but I figure it is better to do it while everything is still "fresh".
The first two things that is very evident in Amsterdam is: Porn and drugs! This is probably no suprise for you, I feel it is common knowledge in most parts of the world that Amsterdam is very liberal when it comes to theese things.
We visited the red light district, which I have to admit I did find fascinating but also at the same time repolsive. The hardest part for me to see was that all the girls selling themselves in the windows were young pretty girls looking quite innocent. I felt sorry for them and I really hope that they are there because it is a choice they made themselves, and not because they are forced to be there by someone else...
We did also visit one coffeshop just for the sake of it, it was kind of interesting, but I did not buy any drugs. The smell of marihuana is everywhere in Amsterdam, from early morning til late in the night and the souvenir shops are filled with bongs etc. I find it fascinating that it is found as so very normal and as a part of everyday life....
However, theese things were not a big part of our trip. Our trip consisted mostly of a lot of walking, a lot of sunshine, and quite a few museums. It almost sounds boring when writing it down, but it wasn´t. I felt very happy during this trip. I was just happy to able to go out travelling again, to see new places and to spend time in the sun with a person I love. How easily pleased I am sometimes!
One of the muesums we visited was the Van Gogh museum (which was pretty impressive). We took the tram back to the city from there and our tram driver made me really happy! We wanted to buy tickets and he told us to go into the back. When we started walking, he started singing his instructions in a "opera" way, and then he even picked up the microphone and started singing to the whole tram, and I think everybody had a smile on their face after that song. How simple things can be so joyful, and how nice it feels to be in a tram full of smiling and happy faces were everybody is just in the moment and forgetting their everyday troubles that usually follows us everywhere!
All in all...when thinking back on our weekend, I just feel glad and I get a smile on my face. It was three good days, when I was able to feel like a child again (like always when travelling) and just experience new things. Just walking around on the streets and exploring ourselves and our surroundings.
I am bitten by the travelbug now and for always.... or as I maybe need to say considering that we have been in Amsterdam: Travelling is my drug! :)
.........
resor

balance

I realized something today....I get unhappy when I get too involved in one thing. I feel sad today because I have only had time to focus on work the last few days. I feel sad when I am obsessing about my boyfriend becuase I am worried about him and how he is doing (I guess there are valid reasons to feel sad if he is not doing good...)I feel sad when I am too social and don´t have time for myself. I feel sad when I am too much alone and not being social. I feel sad if I am thinking too much about myself and not paying attention to other people.
Yin and Yang....the chineese are pretty wise :)

duracell rabbit

This has been one of those days when you don´t have time to stop and think, you just go on, and on and on like a duracell rabbit. How fast time goes when you have fun....or work your ass off!

Pressure

I guess we all have pressure in our lives, some more and some less. This week I am "stand-in" for a project manager for a project, and I have to admit I love it, although I feel the pressure. The reason why I love it som much is that I get an adrenalin kick from doing good, succeding, getting positive feedback and I LOVE when people listen to me and act as if I am the boss....so what I am I doing, egotripping? :) It kind of sounds like it, but I think that is what most people do who are ambitious. We all have our things that turns us on and makes us want more and move on. I guess this is my thing, I love when I can improve things and make things happen.
At the same time I am terrified that I will not succed, and that I will make a mistake. Or what if I am not as good as everybody thinks and I will let everybody down? What if I can´t handle the pressure and I will ruin everything? It is the devil on my shoulder who is whispering bad thoughts in my ear. He knows about my past, that I am just a simple girl from a poor family with a alcoholic mother who did not have any friends as a child and was the weirdo....that girl is feeling insecure in the new woman who has grown up, she doesnt think she deserves what she is getting and she does not belive in herself....once again the past is haunting me.....DAMN IT!

focus on positive thinking

This has actually been quite a good weekend, the weather has been excellent and the flowers are blooming. The days are getting longer and hopefully we will soon have the summer here.
My boyfriend has been feeling quite good and we have actually spent some really special moments together. You know when you are in love, and sometimes you just have moments when you maybe look at eachother in a special way with a dreamy smile. Or you have a conversation about a maybe random thing, but that conversation makes you feel like you just took one more step closer to eachother. It is funny how unimportant moments become so important.
I have also been thinking about reality and personal reality. You know what I mean? Sometimes you have a personal reality that is not at all the same as the factual reality. I feel I sometimes get entangled in my personal reality that consists of unresolved feelings from the past that overwhelmes me and makes me think it is the factual reality...Have to work on that...