I have not written here so much lately, it is beacuse I have been feeling so sad for loosing the person who has been so close to me for such a long time, and it is the only thing I can think about. It is a very painful loss, and it is very hard to accept.
There has been so much sadness in my life theese last few months and it has been hard to handle, it has been all about keeping my head above the surface to avoid drowning. I really miss him...but nothing can change the situation as it is.
Dispair
I hate the fact that I am alone again and that I don´t belong anywhere.
I hate that I can´t hug him and cuddle him whenever I want.
I hate that I can´t talk with him every day.
I hate that I lost my closest friend.
I hate that life has to be so unfair.
I hate that all our common memories are just painful at the moment.
I hate that everything is painful at the moment.
I hate that I think about him all the time.
I hate that love has to hurt so much.
I hate that I can´t hug him and cuddle him whenever I want.
I hate that I can´t talk with him every day.
I hate that I lost my closest friend.
I hate that life has to be so unfair.
I hate that all our common memories are just painful at the moment.
I hate that everything is painful at the moment.
I hate that I think about him all the time.
I hate that love has to hurt so much.
3 comments:
Åh vad jobbigt du har det. Känner igen. Det mildras ju så småningom förstås, men det är ju inte mycket till tröst mitt i det hela. Stor kram
SAVED BY GRACE:
About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell.
I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process].
I was released from hospital 16th September 2004, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins.
Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages.
God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17]. I was saved, I am saved, and I am being saved. Yes, but only God knows who they are.
I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE
Losing someone is like a death. But eventually you will feel better. I hope that you will start how wonderful you are and deserving of feeling happy.
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