Yesterday it was the third day of the grief recovery workshop. It was the roughest day for my part as this day consisted of making a relationship chart over mine and my mother relationship, and also writing a fullfilment letter, that you can also partly call a goodbye letter. Reading the relationship chart was really hard, but reading the fullfilment letter actually made me feel like something was flying away from me. After I had read the letter I remember watching up to the roof and thinking she is free and so am I....I am not going to publish the whole letter as it was quite long, but I will publish the end of it here, the part of letting go:
I want you to know, that despite everything I really miss you in my life and I wish that things could have been different. I want you to know that you were my security and the best person in the world when I was a little kid, I was just so mad at you for choosing alcohol instead of me, and that is something I am still sad about, but I forgive you for that. I would have loved to keep my mother with me for a longer time. I want you to know that I have blackpainted you for a long time, just to be able to handle the rejection I felt from you, but I dont want to do it anymore, I want to say goodbye to you and live my life. You need to know that me letting go does not mean that I will forget you or that I don´t love you, it only means that I dont want to feel tha pain anymore and I don´t want to let it affect my life in the same way anymore.
Thank you mother for loving me so much as you did and I want you to know that I am so very sad for the fact that life was such a big darkness for you, and so many times I wished I would have had magic powers that would have helped you. Despite everything, I will cherish my positive memories of you in my heart.
I know that you are afraid of letting go, and so am I, but maybe it is time for us to do it? Maybe we can do it together? Both be free from the prison of the past.
I miss you a lot mum, more than I have wanted to admit, and I love you.
I forgive you for all the bad memories, and I know you always tried your best, but now it is time to say goodbye.
Goodbye mother
Thank you mother for loving me so much as you did and I want you to know that I am so very sad for the fact that life was such a big darkness for you, and so many times I wished I would have had magic powers that would have helped you. Despite everything, I will cherish my positive memories of you in my heart.
I know that you are afraid of letting go, and so am I, but maybe it is time for us to do it? Maybe we can do it together? Both be free from the prison of the past.
I miss you a lot mum, more than I have wanted to admit, and I love you.
I forgive you for all the bad memories, and I know you always tried your best, but now it is time to say goodbye.
Goodbye mother
5 comments:
What you have written is beautiful. Always remember the good, and always know that we all do the best we can in this life, with what we know at the time. May you be well on your journey. elaine
That was beautiful and touching. I'm sure your problems were much more serious than mine. Sometimes I feel stupid even complaining about my husband. But I remember how he was in his worst days and that scares me. I just pray that my daughter doesn't have to suffer. Wish you all the best.
It is a beautiful letter. I'm glad that you wrote this to your mother. I wrote a similar letter for my Ninth Step.
Så fint! Om din mamma får höra/läsa detta kommer hennes hjärta att svämma över av ömhet och kärlek till sin dotter.
Thank you elaine!
Nightvision: problems should never be compared...
Syd:yeah, it felt good
BJ, hon hörde det nog tror jag...var hon nu är...
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