Heard

There is a memory that I have that I have meant to write down for about a few months now. I thought I would write it down today, but then decided to wait until after my birthday.
Anyway, Torrdocka wrote a post today (in swedish) that moved me a lot. She said some things that I would have wanted to hear from my mum while she was still alive, but my mum got "deaf" from the alcohol and could not hear what people were telling her, she only heard her own paranoid voice.
Still, reading what Torrdocka wrote made me feel such a relief. Maybe because my mum could never see my dad´s and my side, she could only see herself. Torrdocka, who is a recovering alcoholic heard me, and in some ways it almost felt like my mum heard me. For me it is a enormous relief that a woman who knows what it is to be a slave to alcohol hears what I am saying. MY voice is heard, it has a meaning what I am saying and I am not just talking to a wall, like it felt so many times in my childhood.
Tack Torrdocka!

Archipelago

I am back in my hometown where I lived for my first 20 years. It is a small summertown with about 10.000 people and it is very beautiful in many ways. I always get a bit anxious when I get back here as I feel I get too close to the past. But this time I am trying to just stay calm and I am trying to not get sucked into the bad emotions. So far I have been able to keep a distance between my past and the person I am today, although I feel it is really hard.
When I was a kid we were a lot out in the archipelago with my cousin and her family. It has been many years since last time I was out in the archipelago with them, but yesterday I got the chance to go out with them again and it was very nice.
The time I spent on the ocean and on the islands as a child are actually some of the happiest memories I have from childhood (feels good to think about the happy memories too :)). We spent so much time out in the archipelago that I know the shapes and the looks of most of the islands. I remember having seagrass fights, fishing, walking around the islands, frog hunting, being scared of snakes, swimming, sun, waves, eating donuts and drinking soda and just having a generally good feeling.
I just love the ocean, it makes me feel calm.
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skärgården, havet

Going down the memory lane

My love bought a huge amount of LP albums for very cheap yesterday. We have´nt had time to really go trought all of them yet, but I was looking trough one of the boxes earlier today. Most of the LP´s are from the 70´s and the 80´s which means that there is a huge amount of my childhood music and memories in there.
I wouldn´t say that my musictaste was great when I was a kid. I remember that the first casette I ever owned was Sandra, the second Madonna and the third Samantha Fox. The thought of Samantha Fox always makes me smile. When I was a kid I did´nt understand that she was considered a sexsymbol, neither what she was really singing about. :) Imagine this: I am eight years old, I don´t know any english, but I am still trying to sing along to all the songs. I am sitting in the living room and my parents are watching TV. I have my headphones on while I am listening, as I don´t want to disturb my parents. I have a blanket over my head beacuse I don´t want them to see me while I am singing to the music (for some reason I did not think that this was disturbing my parents). My favourite song wa s "touch me" by Samantha Fox, and I sang along as if I understood what i was singing about. I did not know how to pronounce "touch me" so I sang "tasch me" instead. My dad tried to correct me, but I was certain I was right and kept on singing tasch me :) So there I used to sit, under the blanket, listening to my music, rewinding the tape and singing along with an uncomprehensible english :)
I saw a Samantha Fox LP in one of the boxes I searched trough today. I think I have to listen to "touch me" later tonight, and maybe my BF even will get to listen to some quality sing-a-long to that song ;)
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barndom, musik